


Let's Be Alone Together

by Smokestarrules



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, I love him, Listen I love Mello So Much okay, M/M, The Prompts Are Not In Chronological Order btw, The title is from the song Alone Together by Fall Out Boy, and Matt feels the same, bc I think that song fits Matt's thoughts about Mello, my emotionally repressed angery boi with a debatable moral compass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokestarrules/pseuds/Smokestarrules
Summary: Ten single-word prompts, all exploring Mello’s feelings and thoughts. Matt is there 100% of the time.
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas & Mello | Mihael Keehl, Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Let's Be Alone Together

**_10.Meet_ **

Mihael - no, his name is _Mello_ now - has the entire orphanage memorized by the second day he’s there to stay. It’s _huge_ , with two different dorms and a massive school in the middle of it. He sticks to himself for a bit, poking around in the darker corners of the dorms and into the basement of the school.

He quite likes this school.

He meets his roommate that evening when he returns to his room after dinner. For some reason, the other boy hadn't shown his face the entire day before, although Mello knew that the other had been at this school for months already. He hasn't even heard him come back last night.

The other boy looks up when he enters the room and grins. He's sitting on the floor, clutching a game controller in his hands. “Oh! Hello,” he says, pausing the game he's playing and getting to his feet. “You're Mello, right? My old name’s Mail, but I'm Matt now. You don't have to tell me your old name if you don't want.” He holds out his hand for Mello to shake, but Mello doesn't even look at it. 

“Yeah, Mello,” he says, scowling at him. He doesn't say anything else; just flops onto his bed and ignores the other boy.

Matt doesn't look shocked about the declined handshake, nor does he seem too upset by it. Instead, he just sits back down on the floor and unpauses him game, seeming content to let Mello exist nearby.

That's the beginning.

**_9.Regular_ **

Mello’s hand shoots upright, his teeth gritting with the effort of doing the motion so quickly. He barely manages to stop himself from bouncing. _Just look at me, look at me, look at me!_

The teacher, however, looks straight past him and nods at someone else to his right. Lowering his hand, Mello digs his fingers into his palms in anger.

“The answer is Strubel.” It’s _Near_ , because it’s _always_ Near. Little white-haired know-it-all. “Strubel is the one who killed Takusha.”

“Oh?” The teacher says, with a twitch to her face that proves Near is absolutely correct, _again_. “And how did you come to that conclusion?”

As Near begins explaining his thought process, Mello crosses his arms and blocks the noise out. He’d known the answer, too! And his explanation was _bound_ to be more interesting than _Near’s. It’s always Near, goddammit._ Which means nothing, really. It’s a class of twelve, but everyone present knows this class is specifically important only to Mello and Near. They were chosen by _L._ Mello and Near were going to be ranked up in the world and become famous detectives just like L. _Better_ than L.

 _If Near wasn’t so obviously favored in class_ , Mello thinks viciously, _maybe then we’d actually work as a team._

By the end of the period Mello’s hands are stained lightly with his own blood, torn by his fingernails digging deep.

He can't find it in himself to care, but when he returns to his room, hours later, Matt bandages his hands for him.

**_8.Fear  
  
_ **

Mello is, self-admittedly, a coward, although he’d _never_ let anyone else know that. He’s already infallible enough, always too angry, too emotional. He’s always been second best. He knows. If anyone knew how when he thought about succeeding L, actually _thought_ about it… he was terrified out of his own skin. 

And it’s not even the constant threat of death which frightens him. Above anything, it’s the threat of _mediocrity._

The other thing that scares him is L himself. Almost more _creature_ than man, L hadn’t ever been unkind, but not kind either. Mello believes wholeheartedly in the image L _could_ be, but despite half of him worshipping the very ground L walks on, his other half can’t stand some of L’s tactics. Killing people is a necessary evil that appears more than you’d think, but Mello doesn’t believe in torture like L does. 

He, Matt and Near get sent updates on the Kira case every week. In the months where Light Yagami and Misa Amane were confined (in Misa’s case), _bound and gagged_ and _trapped_ in those small rooms, Mello would always walk away after with an upset stomach. For those few months, Matt would be quieter than usual at night. He never says anything, but Mello appreciates it nonetheless.

Matt keeps the nightmares away.

Matt is both a godsend and the harsh slap of reality. Matt, who has the potential to overshadow both Mello _and_ Near but never does. Matt, who prefers playing video games and eating junk food and for some _unfathomable_ reason, likes to hang around Mello. Matt, who steals chocolate bars for Mello (he still has no idea where the gamer gets them) and opens his mind for Mello and _listens_ when he talks.

And Mello _hates_ him (for letting his brain go to waste), and _envies_ him (he wants that power, the utter _uncaring_ for who gets number 1), and _loves_ him for putting up with Mello and he doesn’t know how to show all those complicated feelings so he just hides them. He thinks Matt knows anyways. Matt’s always been as good at digging into emotions as well as computers.

One thing Mello _isn’t_ afraid of is death. His own, at least. He knows he deserves to die, but who is _Kira_ to decide when it happens? He’ll take his fate into his own hands, _thank you very much._

He and Matt part ways ( _for the last time,_ his traitorous brain supplies) and Mello suddenly doesn’t know what to say. For so long he’d been alone. The mafia was interesting, but there was no such thing as even allies in there. But Matt (sweet, loyal Matt) had _found_ him. He’d never thought he’d see Matt again, and this time now he knew that was going to be true.

“You’ll be fine,” Mello forces himself to say. “You’ve got the easier job, anyway.” Matt doesn't have to die, not if he's careful. 

But Mello.. there was no way Mello was walking out of this plan alive. _For Near._

Matt just fixes him with a despondent stare. His goggles (stupid, dumb toys that he never quite grew out of) are fixed up on his head, and his eyes are free from anything but resignation. He opens his mouth to say something, thinks better of it, and then rests his hand on Mello’s shoulder, gently stroking the burn scars. “I’m proud of you,” he says, and his face softens into a small smile. 

Mello can’t meet his gaze anymore, and he looks down at his own feet. He starts to respond, but the noise is cut off as Matt pulls him into a hug. Mello yelps, not expecting it, but he decides to let himself have this. Sighing, he wraps his own arms around Matt as well. Just this once. 

They part, and Mello takes a deep breath. He gives Matt one nod and tries to soften his own face enough to smile. He hopes Matt knows how much he’d meant to him, because Mello was never able to voice it.

“I’ll see you,” Mello says blithely, stepping backwards and sliding onto the motorbike. 

The bike was Matt’s. _Ironically perfect_ was what Matt had called it when they decided Mello would be using that instead of the car. 

“Goodbye,” Matt mumbles forlornly as Mello revs the engine. Once Mello leaves the area Matt will get into the car and begin the plan. Mello appreciates that Matt hasn’t tried to stop him.

Mello swallows. He feels the familiar tightening in his chest but forces himself to meet Matt’s eyes. He may not have much longer to live, but he’ll die regretting it if he doesn’t look at him now. He takes in Matt’s features, his scruffy red hair, the bright green eyes, the stupidly familiar face. Mello wonders if he’ll ever see him again. He doesn’t think he’ll be going to heaven, but maybe Matt will. Matt deserves it, he thinks. “Goodbye,” Mello says. The last thing of Matt he sees is his eyes, steady and loyal.

When Mello left Wammy’s, he hadn’t looked back. He hadn’t seen Matt’s wide eyes, his slowly dropping face, his fingers that clenched into fists. It had hurt then, too, and Mello had known _(thought; Matt had proved him wrong, there)_ he wouldn’t see him again. He hadn’t looked back.

He doesn’t look back this time either.

**7.You**

“You're here,” Mello says. He usually doesn't waste his breath for such unnecessary words, but he couldn't have helped it this time.

Matt's _here._

“Hey,” Matt says because he's a goddamn _idiot._ “Been a while, hasn't it?”

Mello waves away the guards who'd been surrounding Matt. This was not what he'd expected when one of his people had come to him saying that there was someone outside claiming to know him. He'd thought he'd never see Matt again. “The hell are you doing here?”

Matt just smiles. “Mind if I sit down? I've been walking since six this morning.”

“ _It's_ _eleven at night.”_

“Exactly.” Without actually getting permission, Matt plops down on the couch and sighs. “Oh, yeah. That's nice.”

“Matt.” Mello’s tone is sharp. “Why are you here?”

Matt opens his eyes to meet Mello’s gaze. “Because I said I'd find you,” he says, as if that explains _anything._ “When you left Wammy’s, I mean. I told you I'd find you eventually.” He grins. “It took a few years, but here I am!”

“But-” Mello pinches the bridge of his nose to try and ward off the inevitable headache. “You could've lived your own life! Why are you _here?!”_ He doesn't know why he's so upset, but the anger is burning up inside of him, incredibly alongside the feeling of _safety_ Matt’s always been able to convey.

“It's not that complicated!” Matt says, finally raising his voice. It's still softer than Mello’s. “I told you; I promised I'd be here, and now I am. End of story.” They fall into silence, and Matt shifts uncomfortably. “Are you going to send me away?” He asks. “The Mello I knew would never do that.” _Not to me,_ is what Mello hears. 

Mello frowns. “I've changed.”

“Not that much.”

And for a second, Mello just watches him as Matt watches back. Mello sighs and breaks their eye contact. “No, not that much,” he relents grudgingly. “C’mon. I'll get you a room.”

“It's good to see you,” Matt says as he stands up, eyes kind of soft and warm. Mello doesn't look at him.

He doesn't say a word as he walks away, expecting Matt to follow him.

_It's good to see you, too.._

**6.Faithful**

“Why’d you follow me?” Mello asks again one day. It's three in the morning and he's been lying on this couch next to Matt for the last six hours, just mindlessly watching the other play some numbing video game. It's three in the morning and there's a bit of an unusual vulnerability to his voice. He's not sure if it's the lack of sleep or just because of the subject in the question. 

“To the mafia, you mean?” Matt clarifies. He feels Mello nod against his arm and shrugs. “I dunno. Didn't have anywhere else to go. _No, what are you doi-! Shit.”_

Mello ponders that, studiously ignoring Matt’s shouts about whatever was happening in his game. “But you've always followed me,” Mello says, and Matt goes quiet to listen to him. “Even back at Wammy’s. Why?”

Matt punches the buttons on his controller a little harder as he searches for an answer. He can't say the full truth; _I feel safe with you,_ so he tries to make a joke. “I mean, it was either going to be you or Near, and he'd never let me waste my time like this, would he?” He gestures to his game, knowing Mello doesn't give a shit.

“Stop stalling,” Mello swats at him, but the hand doesn't even connect with his shoulder, hitting the couch instead. Matt wonders if there's a reason Mello’s so out of it this morning; if he's high or drunk _(both are unlikely)_ or if he's just.. tired. 

“Ow! Sorry, geez.” Matt flinches at Mello swats again, this time hitting his shoulder. “I mean.. “ he puts the controller down to think better. “I guess that's just who I am. I _like_ helping you. I like being the only person _you_ like - _don't look at me like that you know it's true-_.. I feel better about myself when I'm helping you.”

There's silence for a few moments. Matt wonders if he shouldn't have been so unguarded with his answer.

“...that's stupid.”

“ _Wow!”_ Matt can't help it; he just laughs. “I spill my heart out to you and all you have to say is, that’s stupid?!” 

**5.Overhead**

Mello takes a deep breath in through his nose before immediately regretting it. He manages to swallow back most of the coughs, but a few bubble out of his chest anyway. “ _Eugh_ ,” he sneers. “Those are _disgusting_.”

Matt pauses where he's just sat on his bike. He isn't planning on driving it tonight, but sitting in the seat always puts him at ease. “I like them,” he says, taking the cigarette out of his mouth to talk before putting it back.

“There're _vile,”_ Mello counters. Matt tilts his head at him and Mello scowls at him as their gazes meet.

Matt frowns. “What's got you so worked up?” 

“I'm _not_.”

“Yes, you are. You're trying to pick a fight with me, which means you're upset already.”

“No,” Mello says, roughly, “I'm not.”

Matt sighs, amused. “Yes, you _are,”_ he says again. “What’s up?”

Mello rolls his eyes. “I'm stressed about _Kira,”_ he gives in. “What else is new?”

“Ah, the king of bastards himself,” Matt laughs. “Don't stress over someone like _him._ We’ll get him.” 

_He sounds so sure,_ Mello thinks. He wishes he was more optimistic of their chances, like Matt. ..Or maybe Matt was just high. Either way, that kind of thinking was definitely healthier than Mello’s. 

“Still.” Mello feels a breeze in the air; it makes his hair blow into his eyes and he blows it away, irritated. “I'm not queasy about taking lives, either, but every day we don't catch him is _dozens_ dead.” He just doesn't like it. Sure, _Kira_ probably even thought he was doing the right thing, but Mello drew the line at senseless murder. It was just _gross._

“We’ll get him,” Matt says again. Mello can feel Matt’s eyes on him, but he can't tear his eyes away from the sky in order to look back at him.

“How do you know?” The words leapt out of his chest without permission. 

Mello sees Matt shrug out of the corner of his eye. “Because we have to.” 

  
  
**4.Sight**

“I don't know why this is necessary,” Mello spits, “I'm _fine._ I didn't even go blind!” Which was the worst-case scenario.

“No, and it's a goddamn miracle you didn't,” Matt argues, still wrapping the bandages around Mello’s head. “But you _might_ if it doesn't heal properly, you idiot.”

Mello snarls at him, but doesn't pull away because Matt’s right, as frustrating as that is. “I'm a genius,” he says, feeling a bit like a petulant child but not caring enough to quit it. “I'm one of the smartest people ever to come out of Wammy’s, and _that's_ saying something.”

“Yes, yes, you're very scary,” Matt agrees affectionately, “now, sit _still._ ”

Mello huffs, but thinks better of saying anything else. Although it's rare, Matt _can_ _and will_ be pushed to his limit, especially by Mello, and Mello doesn't exactly want to anger him while he's messing with the still-stinging burns Mello has on his entire left side.

“That was so stupid,” Matt mutters, almost to himself, as he moves on from Mello’s head to start re-bandaging his arm. “Lighting that explosion was ridiculous. What if you'd died? What then?” 

“Please,” Mello scoffs. “Near would've finished what I started. He’ll get that bastard _Kira_ even if we can't. That's just a fact.”

Matt just sighs. Mello understands his point of view, but would never concede to it. Putting himself in danger was in the job description; Mello had been in the mafia for god's sake! He was used to it. 

But Matt isn't. And that's why Mello doesn't even do the most risky of plans, even if one part of him says he should. He's an asshole, but he doesn't want Matt to hurt because of _him._

Even so, Mello has to keep his eyes firmly on the path in front of him. Anything else is a distraction; anything else keeps letting dozens of people die every single day.

This will all be worth it as long as _Kira_ is taken down at the end. Mello has to believe that.

  
  


**3.Kind**

“Wake up.” The bag of goodies hits Matt in the head, and Mello feels sympathetic for all of two seconds before Matt opens his mouth.

“ _Ouch!_ What was- oh. What's this?” Matt sneezes as he opens the bag, and his eyes go wide in wonder. “Cold medicine? A blanket? _Brownies?”_ He pulls his head out to stare at Mello. “Who are you and what have you done to Mello?”

Mello sighs. “I can take them back if you want me too,” he says, raising a hand towards the bag half-heartedly.

“No!” Matt covers it with his hands, grinning. “It’s all mine now! You gave them to me!”

Mello shakes his head and turns to leave, but Matt says, “wait!” and, well, he does. 

“What now?” Mello doesn't like the way Matt’s looking at him; all soft and warm and _eugh_. It makes Mello’s stomach turn.

"Thank you,” Matt smiles at him, pushing up those _ridiculous_ goggles in order to see better. “That was really nice of you.”

Mello just gives him a death stare. “..get better,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms for good measure. “You're no help like this.” As he walks away, another thought occurs to him. “And it wasn't just for you, understand? I was running out of chocolate and needed to get some more.”

The only response he gets is Matt chuckling.

**2.Chat**

“Let's have a sleepover!” Matt suggests on Mello’s eleventh birthday. 

Mello frowns. “We sleep in the same room, dumbass,” he says, turning away from the cafeteria. Matt rushes to catch up with him. 

“I _know,”_ Matt sticks out his tongue. “I'm not _stupid._ But seriously! Let's sleep on the floor tonight! I'll set up pillows and blankets and we can watch scary movies all night!”

Pausing, Mello swallows as he thinks it over. Tomorrow _is_ the weekend… “ask Mr. Watari,” he says finally. “If he says yes, then sure. Whatever.”

Matt cheers and runs away.

That night they do exactly as Matt had said; they stay up late and sit on piles of blankets on the floor and watch shitty horror movies (Matt had even managed to find a jumbo-piece bar of chocolate for Mello’s birthday) and they even had popcorn. Sometime during the second movie Matt moves away and plugs in his handheld video game. Mello doesn't mind, so he doesn't say anything.

“What're you doing?” Mello mumbles, some hours later. He's just finished watching the third movie. He has no idea what time it is, and he's _tired,_ but not in the sleeping way. 

“Playing Battle Score,” Matt answers, tilting his screen so that Mello can see. The colors are too bright. Mello doesn't like it. “This guy’s kicking my ass, though.”

And maybe it's the late night, or that Mello’s had most likely the best day of his life. Whatever it is, it's made Mello a little more cheerful for the moment. And a cheerful Mello is a _protective_ Mello. He narrows his eyes. “Who?”

Matt shifts so that they're now sitting shoulder-to-shoulder. “This guy,” he says, pushing buttons furiously as he groans again. “ _Augh._ Got me again!” As he speaks, a little notification pops up on the screen. “Oh, that's him, see?”

DarkMaster420 says, _u suck_

Mello puffs his cheeks out. “What an asshole.”

"Nah, not really,” Matt says, shrugging. “It's just a bit of trash-talk.”

But Mello doesn't look convinced. “Give me the game,” he demands, and, of course, Matt hands it right over. It takes a second for Mello to figure out how to get back to the notification’s screen, but when he does, he scowls again. 

_Shut the hell up,_ Mello types back, much to Matt’s amusement.

They spend the rest of the night _trolling_ (Matt’s words, not Mello’s) DarkMaster420, and it's the lightest Mello’s ever felt in his _life._

**1.End**

When Mello _goes_ , he thinks of Matt. The one person who'd never walked away from him. The one person who’d understood what Mello meant in the words he never said. The only person who'd ever ignored the harsh words thrown at him and instead heard the softer, unspoken ones underneath. Matt was the best thing Mello had ever had in his life.

He hopes Matt lives this night. There's a good chance he won't, but Mello thinks Matt deserves to live. He deserves to grow old and have a family, although with whom Mello doesn't know. He deserves better than Mello. He's a good person.

Maybe, even if Matt dies, he’ll go to heaven. Mello won't. Mello’s not a good person. Mello’s a nasty person; one who'll cling to good things like they're actively running away. He's the kind of person who could've worn down Matt until he was nothing but a hollow puppet.

But Matt’s the kind of person who stays with you, regardless if he should. It's infuriating _._ It's relentless. It's.. _nice_. Mello owes him so much. Maybe in their next lives, Mello will repay him. 

And so as Mello goes, his last thoughts are of Matt. 

  
**_  
+1!Adoration_ **

“If you were a girl, I’d be so in love with you.” Matt says one night, thirteen years old and strangely honest and so, _so_ idiotic. ( _Sixteen and still agreeing with that strange statement. Seventeen and never falling for anyone, especially any girls. Eighteen and realizing that Mello_ never _had to be a girl to make it come true. Nineteen and realizing just exactly how_ stupid _he was)_

Mello reddens and Matt ignores the delighted flip his stomach performs when he looks at the uncharacteristic bashful expression on his friend’s face. _(He’s used to it, really; that light feeling whenever Mello is near)_ “Shut up,” the blonde mutters, giving Matt a glare that says he isn’t actually upset. “As if you could love _anything_ other than video games.” 

Matt just smiles in response. 

Nearly ten years later, it hits him. They’re sitting together; Matt is playing on his handheld and Mello is going over old case files and the realization hits like a punch to the chest, stealing Matt’s air and making him die immediately in the game as he turns his head to stare at Mello. 

_(This is the Mello he likes the best- quiet, not soft but close enough, a peaceful Mello. A Mello who lets his guard down around Matt)_

Mello, because he’s a damned good detective _(or because any normal person would notice being stared at so blatantly)_ lifts his eyes to Matt’s in a silent question. When Matt doesn’t respond, Mello voices it. “What’s wrong with you?”

Matt can do nothing but gape at him like a fish out of water, suddenly thinking about all the times his heart had jumped when the other got near, of all the times a feeling he’d just thought meant love actually meant _love._ He’s always thought Mello was beautiful, but now he can’t look away. Thankfully, Matt’s a genius in his own right, so he manages to pull himself together ( _barely_ ) enough to say, “oh, it’s nothing. Just thinking.” He cringes at how high-pitched his voice has gone.

It’s an obvious lie, but Mello must be in a good mood, because he decides not to call Matt out on it. The blonde’s eyes return to the papers in his hands, and Matt releases a silent breath. 

_Shit, what do I do now?_

Of course, their lives aren't of normal boys. Men? Matt’s not sure. They're technically men, now, he supposes, but he doesn't feel any older now than he had when he'd first met Mello. He cannot trouble Mello with his _feelings_ , anyhow. Mello is stressed enough. And, thinking on it, Matt doesn't think he craves reciprocation. He's happy like this. He's happy, just loving Mello. 

When Mello dies, Matt kind of thinks he feels it. It's stupid, and he's too smart to really think so, but there's a moment when he's running away from the police and his heart suddenly _burns._ That's when he knows; Mello is gone.

Oddly enough, Matt doesn't feel too heartbroken. He’ll be following him shortly, after all.

Matt’s always following Mello.

When he dies five minutes later, bullet wounds covering his chest, he dies with the hope of beating _Kira_ and of seeing Mello again.

He’ll see Mello again. He's sure of it.

  
  
  
_fin_  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah! I haven't reread/watched Death Note in quite a while, and I wrote most of this more than a few months ago, but I still kinda like it. I just really really really love Mello.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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